


The Boy & the Barman

by orphan_account



Category: JCU (Jelpus Cinematic Univede), Jelpus
Genre: Backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:13:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28322904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ever wondered how Joe Expunge got on that Oxen Cart to Chrismo?- Ranch Forster takes Joe under his wing and sends him on a quest. With disastrous results....
Relationships: Joe Expunge & Ranch Forster
Kudos: 1





	The Boy & the Barman

Far away and long ago, under the pink sun of Seshlehem, in the very back room of the very back barn in Pub Ole, a baby was born. With a shock of dark hair and intense green eyes, his mother named him Joe. 

Then, he wasn’t evil. He was just a baby. He cried and people held him. Above, the sun rose, a deep fuchsia hue, and settled slowly in the sky. Joe’s parents crowded around him and gave him the swaddle of the Expungers, the family crest; a hoover set against a red diamond, engraved with rubies mined in Procrastination Creek. 

Joe was an Expunger. A cleaner. Tasked with maintaining the social order in Shelehem - a bounty hunter if you would. It was a creed, not a race, and one to which his parents had belonged to since they were little foundlings on the edge of Pub Ole. One day, he would be given his orders and sent on his way - to capture, kill, succeed. 

Fifteen summers passed with not much of note. Joe grew, and every so often one or both of his parents would leave Pub Ole in search of their prey. In these long, lonely days, Joe was looked after by the Master of the Expunge’s - Ranch Forster. Ranch was tall, stocky, with bushy eyebrows and a deep, southern Seshlehem accent - his stories of battles, captures and near losses - were renowned all around town.

But it was to Joe Ranch that took his greatest interest. The summer Joe turned fifteen, Ranch hired the boy to work a little around the pub. Just basic cleaning, collecting of glasses and plates. In-between the busy times, when the public house was more like a ghost town - on the dodgy end of Seshlehem as it was - Joe and Ranch would sit together at one of the beaten leather booths in the corner. 

One such day, when the flamingo sun lit the sky like a procession of fireworks and the Day of Elk was mere hours away, Ranch slipped a holocube across the table and let it rest on the Gallwfrey beer mat. 

‘I have a task for you, Joe,’ he said, and his face was serious. His eyebrows knitted together until it seemed he had a unibrow. 

Joe fidgeted, folding and unfolding his hands. Eventually, he grabbed the holocube. Unsure of how to make it work - he was only fifteen after all - Ranch reached over and clicked the luminous ‘niw’ button which activated the recording. 

A face flashed into view. A face Joe did not recognise. A woman with the red diamond crest of the Expunges. A voice jumped from the recording, filling the bar room. Joe was captivated. 

‘General Forster. Years ago you served my father in the Penta wars. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Jelpian empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack, and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to Christmo has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Expunge rebellion into the memory systems of this holocube unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this holocube safely delivered to him in Chrismo. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Ranch Forster. You're my only hope.’

The phrase ‘only hope’ looped two or three times. Joe stared at it and then glanced up at Ranch, who was resting back on the booth seat with his arms folded across his chest. 

‘Why are you showing me, Master Forster?’ Joe asked. Nervously, he laid the palms of his hands on the table, which was sticky from years of split Gallwfrey beer. 

Ranch pushed the holocube so it bumped against Joe’s outstretched hands. 

‘I’m an old soul, Joe. My body is weary. I haven’t left the Pub Ole since I was your age. All these years I’ve given our people their bounties, their targets. It’s too late for me to leave now. But you,’ the old man paused and closed his eyes. He sighed softly. ‘But in you, young sir, I feel a certain power. A drive to do well and do good, for all Expunges in the Univede.’ 

Ranch prompted Joe to pick up the holocube. The message ‘only hope’ reverberated again. 

‘It’s you, Joe,’ Ranch said. ‘You’re the chosen one. You have to go and save this woman; her name is Perlema Expunge. This is your first, and maybe your last bounty. The mission to save the very soul of our existence.’ 

Joe fumbled with the holocube and put it back down on the table. He raised his hands like he was surrendering. 

‘But Master Forster, I’m just a kid. How am I supposed to do anything. I don’t even have a ship’s license. My parents-’

‘Fear not about your parents,’ Ranch said dismissively. ‘I shall deal with them. There’s an oxen cart leaving for procrastination creek at five. It’ll be no matter to get you forged papers for travel.’ 

‘Then what?’ Joe said, desperately. ‘Once I get there? Where am i going?’

Ranch reached out and put his hand on Joe’s shoulder. 

‘You’ll know. The holocube is inputted with a map, so it’ll lead you wherever you need to go next. And son, I’m sure you’ll know in your heart where that is.’ 

Ranch gave Joe a friendly slap on his back. 

But alas, Ranch had no idea what would become of Joe Expunge in the wider world. Once freed from the Pub Ole, and having travelled to Chrismo in search of Perlema, Joe would fail to save the Expunges, for he would lose a duel with the rising Jelloys Jelpus, And that was that. When the holocube cracked on the shores of Lake  Claeyye, after the duel, Joe Expunge cracked with it. Right down the middle, and all that promise Ranch Forster had seen within him disappeared. 

Joe Expunge was the chosen one alright. 

Just not for good. 

For evil. 

Later, when Joe Expunge finally returned to the Pub Ole - after nearly fifty summers. When his hands were lined with wrinkles and with scars of war were down his cheeks, he found the pub destroyed by a war he had waged. 

Behind the ruined building was a makeshift cemetery. 

Joe searched and searched and then he found it. There,  under the pink sun of Seshlehem, in the very back grave of the very back graveyard in Pub Ole, a man had been buried.  _ Ranch.  _

That was it. As Joe stood there, and the bubblegum sun slipped effortlessly down the sky, he cried. He remembered what Ranch had told him all those nightfalls before. And he knew, Joe knew. It had been to here which his heart had always been leading him. 

To Ranch Forster and his pub. 

Neither were left anymore. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
